Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
