I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
