Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
