paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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