I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
