i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
