Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
