You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
