One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
