every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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