Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
