I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
