what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
