Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
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I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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