I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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