:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
