Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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