omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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