I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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