I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
