i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
