thus making me awesome and them whores
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
