So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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