sarcasm needs its own font
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
