how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
