also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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