Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
