I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
