forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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