we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
