my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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