Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
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I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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