I faked an abortion last night.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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