If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
