When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
