Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
