So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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