Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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