i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
