i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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