There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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