My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
