doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
