Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
