I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We are two peas in an std pod
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
