Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize
