Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
people are starting to question the shark bite story
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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