So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
