yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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