Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
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Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
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Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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