u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You pole danced in your parka.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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