friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
