So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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