yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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