Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
