Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
