so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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