I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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