Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
