OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
