I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
