I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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