I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
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