I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
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I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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