i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
