My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize