Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
