Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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