I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
