wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
