the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
