Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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